Cross - Talk

I was reading that ^ ^ , there was this knockabout cross - talk act where , and I quote " Its one of those Pat and Mike things. Two birds come on in green breards ..... ".... Actually its too long , go look it up .

The gist is two people .. well .. cross -talking and poking each other with umbrellas. Anyway the below post is loosely inspired by that ( Without the remarks being prefaced with words like "Begorrah " and "Faith and begob" , as in the original, of course :P )




As always this post is mostly the result of an overimaginative mind . Based on that criterion alone I think Calvin would have made a great blogger . But i digress .. Onto the dialogues .

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George Washington : I cannot tell a lie .
Jack Nichoson : You want the truth ? You cant handle the truth !! .

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Marvin: I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.
The Joker : Why So Serious ?

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Damien Hirst : The power of the Gray Skull ..
He - Man : Hey , thats my line !

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< anyone > : < anything >
Wumpus : lol .. ... So ? ..... *Yawn* .... Cool .... lets go there ... Who here has seen < insert random un-interesting thing here > ? .. Blah Blah ...


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( Overheard between the voices in my head )

Q : Why would the coding for Wall -E been really easy ?
A : Because its only one line : System.gc()



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(Shamelessly plagiarized )

CATS : All your base are belong to us
In Soviet Russia all our base are belong to You !!

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And finally ...

Readers of this blog : Whats all this nonsense ?
Me : Its all part of my new slogan : " Humour will save the world . "

(That's loosely based on this )

Readers : Ha !

( Bertie Wooster : "Ha!" is one of those things it's never easy to find the right reply to - it resembles "You!" in that respect )

Me : (Suitably Searching for a comeback ) At least the links were interesting

Readers : So ?

( Bertie Wooster : "So!" is another of those things which it's never easy to find the right answer to. Nothing in the way of a comeback suggested itself to me, so I merely lit a cigarette in what I intended to be a nonchalant manner , though I may have missed it by a considerable margin ... )

Me: ( Assumin nonchalant air as above )

Readers : And this post is supposed to be humorous ?

Me : yes ..

Readers : LOL . Now THATS funny .

Me : :(

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Got Any ?

License to Kill .... ( Or Vice Versa ? )

James Bond may have a license to kill, but even he would have given up in frustration if he was trying to get a license from an Indian RTO .. Or he would have prolly done the smart thing and hired an agent ( Yea, i know he himself is a secret agent , but this is a diff kind of agent )

Of course the only reason I'm giving that kind of build-up is because I finally got my license to drive a 2 - wheeler recently . And I did it without a middle man . And the fact that I'm proud of that effort shows how tough it is and how much the system sucks ( Conversely it could also show how little it takes to make me proud, but let's not go there )

Of course, driving in India is an experience in itself . A client of mine who had come from UK once said that the only place he's seen driving worse than India is Turkey . Now I'm not sure if thats a insult to India or to Turkey , but I definitely know its not a compliment to either :-P .

A RJ on Mirchi once compared driving in India to a video game . After some analysis, I decided that the only game that could fit was "RoadRash" ;) , sans beating up people with rods and chains of course(well ...... for the most part) .

Road-Rash

Where else can you find suicidal dogs, irate cyclists , confused cows and even more confused pedestrians competing with vehicles for road space ? Where else would traffic be held up just cause a two-bit politican is passing through ? ( See this proves my theory that no smart person who could do something about it would voluntarily drive through the traffic :-P )

Where else could you get illegally cut off by Schumi-Wannabe Auto drivers, and then you end up getting an earful of the choicest local lingo for your trouble , maybe even a "Ootla Soltu Vantiya" comment ? ( Sorry , that defies translation )

Forget sentient beings , when funeral processions for corpses block the roads , you know you've got problems. As Gau would say , its "cadaverous" !


[ Edit : Achu sent me this link on reading this post .. Hilarious ..Watch the pedestrian stoll by nonchalantly , directly in harm's way @ 0:35 and Watch the white car in the top center of screen at about 1:35 ]

In the US you have 4 lane Freeways . In India you would have 2 lane ( 2 under construction , inconvenience caused is regretted ) free-for-all ways .
Are they Safe ? Err ... At least they aren't boring ! Gotta watch out for dogs ,open manholes, random old women crossing the street , speedbreakers that pop up with no warning and that guy in front who just went from 100 kmph to 0 kmph so he can eat at that dhaba that just went by .

Of Course, I'm exaggerating . Things are neither that bad nor that unsafe here . And people are very helpful . If you are lost , you only need to ask the nearest passer-by and he/she will definitely show u the (right ?) way .. In fact, they are soooo helpful that they will do this even if , or in some cases especially if , they have no inkling what place you are asking directions to, or even if such a place exists.

"Go straight, take the fourth left 'cutting' after the signal ( all this while his hand usefully gesticulating to the right !) ... Will only take you 8 minutes saar"

And of course , where else could you see

stuff

like

these ?

So there you have it. That's driving in India for you . I Guess in the end , there's nothing to do but , as this beautiful song from Morcheeba goes - Enjoy The Ride

On a different note , been way too busy of late .Tennis, Work, gym & general ooru suthifying left me no time to be vetti . I started this post on 14th July and am ending it now (hopefully) on 3rd August .. In the interim , I have become slightly better @ tennis , watched a few s0-s0 movies ( Wanted , Sarkar Raj, 21 ) , some good movies ( Dasavatharam ), a great movie (Kung - Fu - Panda ) (twice) , made several failed attempts to watch another great movie ( The Dark Knight) for a second time , had office shifted to siruseri , almost bought a new phone , listened to a whole lot of great music on launchcast , watched a Rajni movie first day ! ( Kuselan - which was seriously very disappointing ) , clocked over 50 km a day on my bike , Got Drenched a few times in the rain :-D , Bored the hell out of everyone everyone reading this , read 4-5 books , also bought a book ( Thud! - Terry Pratchett) , saw two plays , played frisbee and even went for a swim in the sea .

It was while returning from one of those outings that I got pulled over by a cop @ 1 am for routine papers checking .. Ironically, this was the first time in 7 years of driving in Chennai , that i got pulled over & it came not one week after i finally got the license ! License to kill or kill for a license , I'm just glad I din't get killed that night for lack of one :-) .



P.S : If you're wondering about how unusually well - punctuated this post has been , its thanks to this .

The evils of procrastination

       pro·cras·ti·nate /proʊˈkræstəˌneɪt, prə-/

          –verb 1. to defer action; delay: procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.
          –verb 2. to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.

Now that we know what it means and how it looks lets go to the million dollar questions . Why do Ppl actually procrastinate ?? Why do we keep putting off things we should be doing now ??

Based on my personal experience i would say ................. Meh, Actually no mood , ill finish this later .

More Rime Than Reason

This was supposed to be a "sarcastic " take on the state of fiction these days , thanks to a novel by Steve Berry that i just finished reading .. But then i read "The elephant Vanishes " By Hirakumi something ( Japanese name , just remembering the first name is accomplishment enuff i would think ) ( assuming thats the right first name that is ) ( but enuff of this ) and "Ice Station" By Matthew Reilly and my faith in Books was restored (sadly , cuz i was quite looking forward to that post ) (btw i really wonder how ppl managed b4 brackets were invented )

Instead the readers of this blog ( all 3 of them ) have to make do with a few more "creative " efforts of mine

I thought up this one while riding to work

Magnificent she stands , Dominating the road
An impetuous wave of her hand

& all the vehicles stop

Its not to stare , she's not so beautiful

She's a Traffic Cop .

This was originally supposed to be purely a "poetic" post , with only poems, about very silly stuff of course . Its amazing how the very mundane can become postable in a blog , as long as u throw in a few rhyming words here and there .Fortunately or Unfortunately though there are no more poems here . But since there is quite a lot of text following , this post becomes slightly less useless

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Since I am Feeling too lazy to collate all of the below into logical posts , here follows some purely random thoughts from the last month

Oh and Yes , i made up the word "postable"
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The past month has been quite sensational for any sports fan , and is in large part why i started this post on the 2nd of April and am finishing it just now :- )

There has been the playoffs of one of the best seasons of the NBA .

IPL . Need i Say More ? Ill let Gau, Sup and Cha elaborate , with the latter even resuming blogging thanks to this

Closing Stages of a fabulous Premier League Season , with Man u winning the title on the Last Day

UEFA Champs Lg , leading to sleepless nights as usual , with three english clubs out of 4 in the semis and Man u making finals of this as well :-)

Even had a discussion on Synchronised Swimming on rebirth ;)


In fact there was one day where i woke up early to watch a Laker game , went to the IPL game in Chennai that evening and then stayed up to watch MAN U play in the Champs Lg .

Ah , Good Times.


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Asphalt is unforgiving .

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The Internet Rox ! Not that this is a new or shattering revelation , but after watching NBA games streaming on the internet , which i would have absoultely no chance of watching otherwise , i just HAVE to mention that here .

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Mokkai Of the month :

Q.) What wud u call Sean Penn's daughter if she was held in Penn State jail ?

A.) a Penn Penn Penn Penn

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" Do I Dare Disturb The Universe ? "

One of my fav quotes of the past month . T.S.Elliot .
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As i look back at all that b.s ^ i cant help but compare it to a bad movie . Its got comedy , tragedy , even a song and a punch dialogue :-)

All thats missing is the climax ........

< Tick Tock >

< Tick Tock >

< Tick Tock >

< Tick Tock >

... Suspense Building ....

< Tick Tock ><>

< Tick Tock >

< Tick Tock >

..................... And i turn 23 .

The Ultimate poem

Being Exceptionally vetti this past week i decided to wake up the right side of my brain (depicted below) from its long slumber and do some creative thinking .. What results is the following "poem"

Why am i here ?
What is my purpose ?
Why do i fear
The great Russian Circus ?


What is my calling ?
Where lies my goal ?
Am i just falling
into a hole ?


Why do i waste time ?
Why am i Vetti ?
Damn,this aint gonna rhyme
...........d'oh!


Why do people fight ?
Why cant we have peace ?
What is the world's plight ?
And who moved my cheese ?


Will this poem be a hit ?
Despite this dumb idea of mine
Why did i have to make it
Rhyme every alternate line ?



And As i look back at all that baloney
Wonder , is all i can do
Questions so many ,Why doesnt any
fit the answer forty-two ?

Disclaimer : The "Ultimate" in the title refers solely to the last line of the poem and is in no way intended to convey the impression that this poem is any good .

Ten out of Ten(nis)

The setting : Saturday 6th Jan2008 , Chennai open 08 2nd semifinal

The participants : Rafael Nadal & Carlos Moya - Both Spaniards ,friends and eternal favourites of the adoring Chennai crowds

The result : Magic :)



What a match ! One of the best tennis matches ive seen and definitely the finest exhibition of sport ive seen live.

The excitement started even before entering the stadium as our car found itself stranded next to Nadal's car in the customary traffic jam leaving us literally one glass away from him ..Not like he even turned in our direction but still.....

With the preliminaries ( the other semi :P ) dispatched off , the stage was set for a fantastic match .In that packed stadium ,surprisingly Moya had more number of ( or atleast more vocal ) fans

Moya,to the surprise of many, won the first set courtesy of a tiebreaker . When he capitalised on that and actually had 4 match points in the second people were quite stunned ... i was never a Moya fan but he played some really admirable tennis this match .. I was never really a nadal fan as well but got to admire his tenacity and never say die attitude .. Clawed back from the brink with some amazing plays and won the second set tiebreaker much to the approval of the crowd who did not want this exhilarating display of tennis to end .





The third set provided more thrills and twists with only the tame ending being an anti climax as nadal ran away with the tiebreak

The match as a whole was of very high quality with not too many unforced errors and several plays that brought the audience to its feet .. The atmosphere was electric as expected and just when one thought the match was done , there was a twist in the tale,resulting in 3 very long sets ..The match was the longest three-set match since 1993 where a match also spanned the same amount of time.

Overall a thoroughly enjoyable experience ably aided by the mokkai's of Gau , KB & Ara and the crowd razzing of Charu Sharma :)

Said moya after the match "The crowd reaction was unbelievable, this is one of the things that motivates you to go on at 31 years of age." . which about sums up how much good playing in chennai does him as i dont think he is revered so much anywhere else .

said Nadal "This was one of my best wins ever. It was a very emotional match."

It was called the best match in the history of this tournament and it left Nadal in poor shape for the final which he promptly lost 6-0 6-1 to youzhny in less time than it took for a single set in the previous match

PS : Had tickets for the whole week except the final . Turned out to be a blessing in disguise what with Nadal looking like he needed Steve Bucknor to referee this match to have any chance of winning :)