License to Kill .... ( Or Vice Versa ? )

James Bond may have a license to kill, but even he would have given up in frustration if he was trying to get a license from an Indian RTO .. Or he would have prolly done the smart thing and hired an agent ( Yea, i know he himself is a secret agent , but this is a diff kind of agent )

Of course the only reason I'm giving that kind of build-up is because I finally got my license to drive a 2 - wheeler recently . And I did it without a middle man . And the fact that I'm proud of that effort shows how tough it is and how much the system sucks ( Conversely it could also show how little it takes to make me proud, but let's not go there )

Of course, driving in India is an experience in itself . A client of mine who had come from UK once said that the only place he's seen driving worse than India is Turkey . Now I'm not sure if thats a insult to India or to Turkey , but I definitely know its not a compliment to either :-P .

A RJ on Mirchi once compared driving in India to a video game . After some analysis, I decided that the only game that could fit was "RoadRash" ;) , sans beating up people with rods and chains of course(well ...... for the most part) .

Road-Rash

Where else can you find suicidal dogs, irate cyclists , confused cows and even more confused pedestrians competing with vehicles for road space ? Where else would traffic be held up just cause a two-bit politican is passing through ? ( See this proves my theory that no smart person who could do something about it would voluntarily drive through the traffic :-P )

Where else could you get illegally cut off by Schumi-Wannabe Auto drivers, and then you end up getting an earful of the choicest local lingo for your trouble , maybe even a "Ootla Soltu Vantiya" comment ? ( Sorry , that defies translation )

Forget sentient beings , when funeral processions for corpses block the roads , you know you've got problems. As Gau would say , its "cadaverous" !


[ Edit : Achu sent me this link on reading this post .. Hilarious ..Watch the pedestrian stoll by nonchalantly , directly in harm's way @ 0:35 and Watch the white car in the top center of screen at about 1:35 ]

In the US you have 4 lane Freeways . In India you would have 2 lane ( 2 under construction , inconvenience caused is regretted ) free-for-all ways .
Are they Safe ? Err ... At least they aren't boring ! Gotta watch out for dogs ,open manholes, random old women crossing the street , speedbreakers that pop up with no warning and that guy in front who just went from 100 kmph to 0 kmph so he can eat at that dhaba that just went by .

Of Course, I'm exaggerating . Things are neither that bad nor that unsafe here . And people are very helpful . If you are lost , you only need to ask the nearest passer-by and he/she will definitely show u the (right ?) way .. In fact, they are soooo helpful that they will do this even if , or in some cases especially if , they have no inkling what place you are asking directions to, or even if such a place exists.

"Go straight, take the fourth left 'cutting' after the signal ( all this while his hand usefully gesticulating to the right !) ... Will only take you 8 minutes saar"

And of course , where else could you see

stuff

like

these ?

So there you have it. That's driving in India for you . I Guess in the end , there's nothing to do but , as this beautiful song from Morcheeba goes - Enjoy The Ride

On a different note , been way too busy of late .Tennis, Work, gym & general ooru suthifying left me no time to be vetti . I started this post on 14th July and am ending it now (hopefully) on 3rd August .. In the interim , I have become slightly better @ tennis , watched a few s0-s0 movies ( Wanted , Sarkar Raj, 21 ) , some good movies ( Dasavatharam ), a great movie (Kung - Fu - Panda ) (twice) , made several failed attempts to watch another great movie ( The Dark Knight) for a second time , had office shifted to siruseri , almost bought a new phone , listened to a whole lot of great music on launchcast , watched a Rajni movie first day ! ( Kuselan - which was seriously very disappointing ) , clocked over 50 km a day on my bike , Got Drenched a few times in the rain :-D , Bored the hell out of everyone everyone reading this , read 4-5 books , also bought a book ( Thud! - Terry Pratchett) , saw two plays , played frisbee and even went for a swim in the sea .

It was while returning from one of those outings that I got pulled over by a cop @ 1 am for routine papers checking .. Ironically, this was the first time in 7 years of driving in Chennai , that i got pulled over & it came not one week after i finally got the license ! License to kill or kill for a license , I'm just glad I din't get killed that night for lack of one :-) .



P.S : If you're wondering about how unusually well - punctuated this post has been , its thanks to this .